1. Don’t fall into the sex trap.
If you’re still a virgin, your goal is to remain that way until you are married. If you’ve failed in this area, and you’re no longer a virgin, then you’ll remember the path that led you to sin. The trick is to not follow that path anymore. I know a young lady that decided to abstain from failing in the area of sex and this is the strategy she implemented. She said “I won’t even have a long conversation on the phone with a boy because I know what it will lead to. I won’t kiss another person until I kiss my husband on my wedding day.” She realized that sexual immorality isn’t something to play with. It’s easy to say “alright I won’t have sex again until I’m married.” But it’s quite another to avoid the path that leads to sex. It starts simple and seemingly innocent, but quickly escalates. Here is an example of the sinful progression to sexual impurity:
So the bottom line is to remember your goal. If your goal is to not have sex again until you are married, then you don’t want to start on the path that leads to having sex before marriage. Trust me I’ve been down this path close to the end and thought I was alright because I wasn’t having sex, but I had no idea how difficult it would be to control my fleshly urges afterwards. Now I know what I have to do (and what I can’t do) so I don’t fall into that trap anymore. Don’t be deceived: You might look at this list and say “oh these things aren’t that bad… I’ll be alright,” but as you know, it’s VERY difficult to not go from one step to the next to the next… Once you start running down a steep hill it’s difficult to stop and before you know it you’ll be all the way at the bottom again, that place you don’t want to be.
2. Realize that sexual urges don’t have to be satisfied.
Did you know that you won’t die if you resist your sexual urges? Sounds crazy right? But trust me, it’s true. The fact that I’m still alive is proof. Most people seek sexual gratification from their significant other, and if they’re single they’ll settle for having sex with a “friend with benefits” and if none are available, they’ll settle for masturbating. Few people even entertain the concept of simply resisting the urge. This will probably come as a shock to most people, but it is actually possible to overcome your sexual urges without resorting to sinful measures to gratify yourself. Is it easy to resist sexual urges? Not at first, especially if you’ve already led a promiscuous lifestyle. However, it is possible and the more you resist your sexual urges the easier it becomes to win that battle. You’ve trained yourself how to sin, not you must train yourself to break that addiction to sin. This is imperative for anyone who is determined to be sexually pure. This is what is pleasing to God, and this is what God expects from His children.
3. Keep your hands to yourself.
Most will agree that touching a member of the opposite sex, whether it’s holding hands or a back massage, is nice, but the feelings that you get while doing that are the ones you’re trying to avoid. The more physical contact you have with a member of the opposite sex, the more you’ll want to have. That’s when problems start and you’ll have more and more difficulty stopping…
It’s good to do some vigorous physical activity to keep any sinful urges you have in check. Also I heard a young pastor on TV say that he used to be addicted to masturbating and he asked a man in the church for help. The man suggested he workout and he did. It helped him resolve his addiction. He explained that of all the things he tried working out was the only thing that helped him to overcome his sexual urges. Plus he’s all buff now and who doesn’t want to be more buff?
4. Don’t tempt yourself.
Don’t put yourself in a position where you are alone with a member of the opposite sex for any significant period of time. Always be in a place where you are easily accessible to others. This was a problem I kept creating for myself time and time again before I realized how much I was hurting myself. I’d call up a girl and if she was alone watching a movie I’d say, “Hey I’ll come over and watch it with you…” knowing good and well we weren’t going to watch the movie. It was only a matter of time before we were all over each other and that certainly isn’t helpful when you’re trying to stay pure. It’s WAY too difficult to keep from doing the wrong things when you’re alone with a member of the opposite sex.
5. Don’t look lustfully at or fantasize about members of the opposite sex.
I’ve fallen into these traps many times. It’s easy to look at a lovely individual and then let your mind start to wonder, but because you are only thinking and not acting that doesn’t make it right. The Bible makes it clear that if you look on an individual lustfully you have already committed adultery in your heart. Knowing how easy this is to fall into, I now have to make an extra conscious effort to keep my mind pure when I see lovely ladies.
6. Beware of the social media trap.
Social media can be good for keeping in touch with your family and reconnecting with friends you’ve lost touch with, but social media comes with plenty of negatives too. Many people use social media as a means to find people to date and have sex with. As a result the photos they post of themselves are similar if not worse than these lewd celebrities’ posts and some of the advertisements that show up in your newsfeeds. Compound that with the fact that people put all kinds of crazy videos, pictures, comments and messages on there so you’ve got plenty of ways to feed your flesh and dive into impurity. You might need to delete your page altogether if this is a problem for you. At the very least you need to clean up your page and delete a whole lot of “friends” who really aren’t your friends. Be very careful.
7. Realize that it’s okay to be single.
If you’re single it’s okay. Otherwise, if because you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you feel you’re obligated to have sex with them, then you should be single. It would be better to be single and pure then to be in a relationship and be impure. For singles, you don’t have to be in a relationship to feel important or wanted. You are fine just the way you are. Enjoy life. Your young years should be for you and after college in your young adult years you can focus on other things. I know SEVERAL people who got into committed relationships WAY too early and regret it because they never got to experience life as a single youth. Time for yourself is important. Also I know people who wouldn’t stay single because they hated being alone. Bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend or girlfriend to girlfriend isn’t healthy. Relax and enjoy the single life while you have it, and if God sends you a man or a woman then you can move in the direction of marriage and then sex. Doing it out of order leads to suffering the consequences of sin every single time.
8. Don’t believe the lies of slick talking members of the opposite sex.
When I was younger it was not the guys who needed to be extra cautious, it was the girls. All the other guys were trying everything they could, and would lie and do whatever it took to get a girl to have sex with them. Today, females are just as aggressive as males, if not more. So now, everyone has to be careful. “I love you,” “People in love make love,” “This is what couples do…” and all the other foolish lies that are out there are just words to try to get you to consent to have sex. And what’s worse is that once you give in, he or she probably won’t be interested in you anymore. Then you’ll be left alone, brokenhearted and in a world of regret. Don’t fall for these lies.
Real Life Experience
I know several people who claim Christianity, yet they choose to continue to sin. Most of the time this sin is in the area of cohabitation in conjunction with sexual immorality. Sadly, they don’t realize the severity of their situation. When you decide to live in sin you not only impede your own Spiritual growth, but it keeps you from being blessed and from pleasing God. And again, if your goal is to have a relationship with God and make it to heaven then you have to please God while you are here on earth. Christians simply cannot allow sin in their lives.
As an example, I knew a young lady who claimed to be a Christian, yet she lived a wild life of sin throughout the week. Then on Sundays she would put on the holy mask and go to church. Yet, her behavior remained constant: she continued to drink, do drugs and was very promiscuous. In fact, she contracted venereal diseases on several occasions, but that did not stop her from having premarital sex. She ignored all counsel and continued to live a sinful life all while claiming to be a Christian. The consequences of this lifestyle hit her very hard. She was mentally and physically abused by her boyfriend, she had children out of wedlock, her family fell apart and she could not find and keep a decent job.
True Christians are blessed; those who claim to be Christians and really aren’t, are not blessed. This life full of problems could have easily been avoided if she had decided to change early on. Now she is stuck with the repercussions of her actions for the rest of her days. Of course the Lord is always ready to forgive and hopefully she has realized her mistakes and repented of them. It’s never too late to change, but the longer you wait the more difficult it will be…
Additional Key Scriptures on Sexual Purity
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:18 – 20
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.