Love is Selfless Not Selfish

Although I’ve been loved, I’ve never been truly in love. I thought I was 3 times but turns out I just fell out of my boat into Lunacy River three times… That said, I’ve still had a revelation about love. I’ve learned that one of love’s characteristics is the unending desire to please. One who is in love finds absolute pleasure in pleasing the object of his/her love. This is not limited to physical pleasure. On the contrary, this encompasses all the little things, the things that matter so much more.

The problem is that people throw the word love around so quickly these days. Many who think they are in love are actually just swimming in Lunacy River like I was. They feel like because they’ve done the do with someone and it was good, there is mutual attraction, and they’ve gotten along with that person for X amount of time, that that’s enough to start using the L-word. NO, NO, NO! It’s much deeper and MUCH more complex. Love is not lust, and love is not based on sex. This principle flows from the Scripture: “It is more blessed to give, than to receive,” and yet very few realize this truth. They’re convinced it is more blessed to receive than to give, so they approach love in a selfish manner instead of a selfless manner.

GODLY LADIES: Many of you by nature are GREAT at understanding the power of loving selflessly. The motherly instinct and nurturer in you make it easy for you to search for ways to please your man: Cooking him steak and shrimp because he loves it so much, keeping things organized and comfortable, buying his favorite cologne, calming him down when he’s angry, and even going the extra mile by watching sports with him (and surprising him by knowing the rules) and playing PS3 with him just to name a few. If your man is happy, then you’re happy so you search for ways to bring happiness into your relationship.

Unfortunately not all ladies are cognizant of this crucial aspect of love. Those in this category may be bitter and/or might not have been loved correctly themselves, which results in their inability or simple unwillingness to truly please their man. They don’t respond to his simple requests, they don’t look for ways to make him happy, and the little they actually do they make it seem like a chore. A man should never have to ask three and four times for something simple because his woman doesn’t think it’s important enough to do for him – again this is NOT limited to physical things. This is a recipe for driving your man away, or worse, driving him to lie and cheat, which I do not condone AT ALL.

GODLY GENTS: Although it might take some work to get into “please her mode” it’s good work if you truly love her. Once you’re there, you won’t ever want to leave. You’ll do those things like cooking for her for a change, cleaning for her for a change, buying her flowers and surprising her for no reason, remembering special dates, doing little things that make her laugh, writing her poetry and singing for her, relenting and watching that romantic comedy you have absolutely no interest in seeing but she’s been dying to watch, massaging her feet and her back after a long day just to name a few. Why? Because of her smile. Her smile is intoxicating and the experience is a reward you want to reap as often as possible. Her laugh is like music that you want to hear all the time. You realize that when she’s happy, you’re happy, and you’ll do whatever it takes to see that she stays that way.

Unfortunately most men aren’t cognizant of this crucial aspect of love. Mostly because they have their heads in the sand and refuse to engage and focus on what’s really important. They don’t care about pleasing; they only care about being pleased. And if their woman won’t, then they’ll go elsewhere. They base everything on physical pleasure which is lust, not love. They are lazy, unfaithful, selfish, foolish leaches that look for someone who they can prey on for as long as possible, knowing all the while that if they keep using the L-word, she’ll stay with him. This is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and shouldn’t be tolerated.

CONCLUSION: Love shouldn’t be one-sided. When two people are truly in love there should be a continuous reciprocation that proves the love they profess. The wonderful “who will please the other more” battle should rage on for indefinitely in the relationship. Ladies if you’re constantly searching for ways to please your man and you’re making every effort to make him happy and he isn’t responding in kind but is content with reaping all the benefits of your labor, then he needs to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t then you need to let him go so you can find out what true love is by finding someone who will. Likewise men, if you’re doing everything a real man and true gentleman does to make his woman happy and she refuses to do the same for you, you need to move on to someone who will. There is no pleasing the “unpleasable”, and to try is to waste your time and invite plenty of pain and disappointment to live in your heart. Find that someone whose smile is your reward, and your smile is hers.

If you’re in a relationship where you and your partner are truly in love and you express it AND experience it because of the constant need to please, then congratulations! What you have is rare. Do everything you can to keep the magic flowing. If not let him/her read this and see how they respond. If they make the appropriate changes GREAT! If not, move on… You’re too important and too special to waste all your time, energy and love on the wrong person.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8