Got Questions?

Get answers here on the Frequently Asked Questions page. Below are real questions from real people in search of the truth. I have taken the time to answer each question truthfully and openly in the hope that someone who’s had to answer these same questions will find encouragement and those who may ask these same questions will find answers. If you have a question you don’t see here, feel free to contact me and ask away.

  • Is it a sin for a Christian to drink alcohol?

    I have to qualify this one. If someone has a tendency to overindulge and get drunk, or has a past drinking problem that God has delivered them from, OR they currently have a drinking problem, then YES they don’t need to touch alcohol ever again. My dad says in these situations, “they shouldn’t even watch a beer commercial.” Otherwise they might fall back into the trap that God has freed them from or remain trapped for the one still struggling with alcoholism.

    For others, no it’s not a sin to drink alcohol in strict moderation. Proverbs 20:1 says “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” The key in this Scripture is “led astray.” So having wine with dinner or a couple of beers at home while watching the game is just fine. But drinking and getting drunk is not acceptable. Ephesians 5:18 tells us to not drink in excess. When you are drunk your judgment is impaired and it is even easier to sin in that condition. You become a danger to yourself and everyone around you.

  • Is it okay for Christians to party?

    That all depends on what you mean when you say party. If you are referring to a bunch of people getting together to get drunk and do drugs and dance all freaky with one another then the answer is no. As I said, I’ve never done drugs, but I am guilty of drinking too much and dancing too close with girls in the past. I had to make a change in my life to not do either anymore because it just isn’t pure.

    However, to party, meaning to get together to celebrate a birthday, or to just hang out with some friends, or to watch a game, or some boxing, then yes. There is nothing wrong with that as long as there is no illegal/sinful activity taking place.

  • Aren’t Christians still sinners?

    Not at all. True Christians don’t practice or tolerate sin in their lives – they don’t make provisions to sin on a regular basis. Everyone sins at some point, but the difference is that Christians acknowledge what they’ve done wrong, they repent for their sin, and change their behavior so they don’t continue to sin. They know God hates sin and they hate sin too. Sin is like an acid. The longer it stays in you the more it eats away at your life. Christians realize this and get cleansed from their sins as quickly as possible so they can remain pure.

    Those who are not Christians sin regularly and it doesn’t bother them at all. They are oblivious to the fact that sin is destroying their lives. So anyone who practices sin on a regular basis and tolerates sin in their life is NOT a Christian. Galatians 5:24 says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires,” because they love God and don’t want to sin against Him. Conversely, those who live to gratify the passions of their sinful nature don’t belong to Christ Jesus.

  • I know plenty of impure Christians. How do you respond to that?

    An “impure Christian” is a contradiction. Consequently I would challenge you to prove the individuals you are referring to are truly impure, or are truly Christians. A true Christian is not a Christian in name only, they are Christians by definition and their lifestyles reflect this truth. They live by God’s Word, and their goal is to remain pure and to please God in everything they do. Now this is not to say that Christians are perfect. Nobody is perfect. However, when a Christian sins it crushes them and they cannot continue down that path. They recognize that sin is not only offensive to God, but it separates us from God and that is unacceptable. This is why Christians truly repent for sin, alter their lives so as not to repeat that sin, and continue drawing closer and closer to God in every area of life. Anyone who claims to be a Christian and doesn’t fit this description would not appear to truly be a Christian.

  • How are you able to remain pure sexually?

    By the Grace of God! I know I can ’t do this on my own. I realize that EVERY SINGLE DAY because at one point or another I start to think certain things, or remember certain things that I’ve done, and I feel my flesh (sinful nature) like “yeah come one let’s go do it!” but I refuse. I can’t sin like that before God, especially after all He’s done for me. So I stay pure by keeping God in my mind and with my mind on Him I can’t be shaken off my mark.

    To remain pure it is imperative to keep God first in life. Staying refreshed by studying God’s Word, going to church and interacting with like-minded Christians are all very important, but it is also imperative to be faithful; to know that you know that regardless of how you feel or what the circumstances are, you will never surrender to your sinful nature.

  • Do you think that you’re better than people who had premarital sex?

    Not at all. I know that the way I was raised, the relationship I had with God as a child, my dad, and a lot of other variables contributed to me being who I am and the way I am today. And again, I was not able to do any of this by my will alone. God was (and still is) with me EVERY step of the way giving me strength and encouragement. To take credit for that or to think I’m better than someone who’s had sex would be outrageously wrong. Pride is not a Christian ethic, humility is. Secondly, this is not a matter of trying to be better than someone else; this is a matter of giving our absolute best to God using Jesus Christ as our example. One of the beautiful things about Christianity is that we are all equal under Christ. That means I receive the exact same amount of love and acceptance for abstaining from sex, as the person who was promiscuous all their life but sacrificed that sinful lifestyle when they became a Christian. If there’s anyone I’m trying to be better than, it’s the man I was yesterday…

  • What about masturbation?

    Masturbation is a sin and consequently should be avoided at all costs. Masturbation falls under the umbrella of sexual immorality, which the Bible commands us to abstain from all throughout Scripture. On the contrary we are instructed to honor the Lord with our bodies. The Bible also commands us to develop and maintain self control. Even though masturbation is normally done privately, God still sees it and He still abhors it. Masturbation also leads to other areas of sexual immorality because it is preceded by spiritual and mental impurity, and often accompanied by other sinfulness such as pornography. This sinful indulgence feeds your sexual drive and continuously strengthens it until it forces you to feed it in more drastic ways. I’ve spoken to people who have suffered from chronic masturbation and the details of that depraved condition is as appalling as it is heart-wrenching. One of the little-known side effects of masturbation addiction is the inability to perform sexually with a partner when that time comes. Many chronic masturbators have come to Christ and gotten married only to then discover that they simply were incapable of having normal sexual relations with their spouse because they’d trained their body to respond to sex in the wrong way for so long. This is a horrible position to be in! Nobody in their right mind wants to be a slave to their body, and to be so overtaken with lust that they can’t even function in society, so everyone in their right mind should do whatever is necessary to avoid even starting on that dark path.

    If you have failed in this area don’t worry, God can help you if you’re serious about changing and you pray and ask for help. Also, if you are a sexually passionate person who has come to Christ, you may fall into the category that Paul addressed in 1 Corinthians. You should pray that God will help you find the right Christian spouse. That way your sexual drive can be used appropriately, the way God designed it – within the bonds of marriage.

  • What about oral sex?

    Sex outside of marriage in any form is sin. Oral sex is STILL a sexual activity, which means it is STILL sin if done outside of marriage.  Also, oral sex is still a means by which you can contract sexually transmitted diseases such as hepatitis, herpes, AIDS etc. Thus, whether it is done before marriage or outside of marriage, there are spiritual and natural consequences for committing this sin. Inside the bonds of marriage is fair game.

  • What do you consider sexual abstinence to be?

    Abstinence is to not engage in ANY kind of sexual activity. This includes masturbation, traditional sex, oral sex, anal sex, and touching private areas with the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification. Also maintaining mental purity is a part of sexual abstinence. It is necessary to remain mentally pure, which is refraining from thinking about committing these acts, or polluting your mind with thoughts of the aforementioned acts.

    To me sexual abstinence is more than just refraining from having sex. The Bible says that merely looking at someone lustfully makes us guilty of committing adultery in our hearts. This proves there is much more to this than the physical act. Again it all begins with spiritual purity and flows from there. So achieving sexual abstinence requires self control in both our actions as well as our thoughts.

  • Why did you decide to remain sexually abstinent until marriage?

    I made this decision for a combination of reasons. It all started with my father/pastor who steered me in the right direction when I questioned him about sex. He advised me to choose the type of life I wanted to live by showing me the pros and cons of having premarital sex versus abstaining until marriage. He showed me the example of Joseph in the Bible, who refused to sin by having sex before marriage. As a result, God blessed him tremendously and he wound up marrying the lovely daughter of a priest, who was something like a princess. My dad put it very plainly to me by asking me what I wanted. I want a princess and to be blessed with God’s favor like Joseph, so I chose to live my life in a way that pleases God just like he did.

  • What does it mean to be in love?

    First, let me tell you what it is not. Many people equate love with sex – hence the phrase “making love.” Sex and making love are the exact same physical erotic activity. However many believe that there IS a difference AND don’t distinguish or see the difference between love and sex. Sex can be reduced to just a physical experience without being in love with your partner. To be in love is MUCH deeper and should be established BEFORE sex ever comes into the equation. God designed sex to be the ultimate expression of love between husband and wife. Sex, when done God’s way, binds two people together not only physically but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

    To be in love is to care for someone to the extent that you are concerned for their physical, mental, financial, spiritual and emotional well-being. It is a decision to commit to that person for the rest of your life. You opt to give your heart, your body, and your life to them because you’re willing to make a life-long commitment to them. This kind of love is present between a man and a woman and should be solidified by marriage, which is an institution God designed and God enables. God is love and therefore love is absolutely pure.

  • What does it mean to be pure?

    To be pure is to be free from sin. The goal of someone who’s striving to be pure is to please God and to faithfully live according to His word. They put God first above all things and no longer surrender to their sinful nature. Those who are pure aren’t perfect, so they will sin sporadically, however, they never practice sin nor do they tolerate sin in their lives. They recognize sin as sin, they repent, change their ways and continue fighting to remain pure.

    An impure person doesn’t care that they are practicing sin. They are not spiritually or eternally minded at all. Contrarily the pure person is fully aware that the decisions we make here on earth determine where we will spend eternity. The ultimate goal of the pure is to spend eternity with God the source of purity. Consequently they do what is necessary by leading a holy and honorable lifestyle here on earth so they will experience eternal life with God in heaven.

  • Is homosexuality really a sin?

    Yes. It says it very clearly in the Old Testament AND the New Testament that homosexuality is not only sin, but it excludes anyone who practices it from entering the kingdom of heaven. God designed men and women to be sexually complementary and it is not God’s will that we deviate from His design for human sexuality in any way for any reason. Homosexuality falls under the umbrella of sexual immorality and is strictly prohibited. Of course this is raises all sorts of other questions that deserve answers as well. For more information on this complex and controversial issue, check out my book The Truth About Homosexuality.

  • When is it alright to drink alcohol?

    There is a legal and a moral side to this question. The law says once you’re 21 years old you’re free to buy and drink alcohol. The moral side, however, is more stringent. When you are 21 AND mature enough to drink without getting drunk, then you can drink alcohol but with this caveat: drinking alcohol should ALWAYS be done in moderation. Forming a habit of drinking could easily lead to drunkenness or worse alcoholism. It’s also important to note that those who are prone to alcoholism, addictions, or have health issues that are worsened due to alcohol consumption shouldn’t drink alcohol at all.

  • When is it okay to have sex?

    Anytime AFTER you are married and not a moment before. From your wedding day forward you are free to have sex with your spouse (and ONLY your spouse) as often as you please.

  • Is it a sin to do drugs?

    Yes it is. The Bible may not say “Though shalt not do drugs,” however, the Bible makes it clear that we are to live holy and honorable lives and doing drugs is neither holy nor honorable. Drugs are not only illegal but they destroy the mind, the body, and the relationships with everyone around the drug user, and all of these totally conflict with God’s will for mankind. So Christians are obligated to refrain from all drug use, and I personally believe that includes smoking weed.

  • When is it okay to kiss someone?

    This may sound super crazy, but the ideal situation is to wait until your wedding. I know, I know that is utterly unheard of in today’s society, but that is still the ideal. Just imagine if both people never shared a kiss or any other intimate activity with anyone else. Every single kiss and intimate activity was reserved, perfectly preserved for marriage. Can you imagine how exciting and fruitful that would be? I know most of us have utterly failed to do this so for those of us who are too late to wait, the next best thing is to wait until at least you’re engaged – when you are seriously committed to one person with the goal of being married. And the kiss should be respectful and brief. There is a difference between a kiss and making out. The former is okay in this situation, the latter is not. A kiss is an expression of love and appreciation for another person. Anything beyond that is dangerous.

    Again, this might sound crazy to you but I’m speaking from experience. I used to think kissing for long periods of time was okay. It wasn’t having sex so I was in the clear. I went crazy in this area not knowing that all of the intimate interactions I was having were feeding my flesh (my sinful nature) and began awakening a monster that needed to stay asleep. Once that monster was awake it craved more and more, and it was a tremendous fight to keep from going too far. I still struggle with sexual urges as a result of all the kissing I did. Now I don’t kiss girls at all. It makes my life WAY too difficult and just starts me on that path that leads to where I don’t want to be…